Serendipity? Not exactly.

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There’s really no way to put this lightly, so I’m just going to throw it out there.  

 

I am a Master of the Universe.  

 

Here’s a picture of me in my most natural, Christ-like pose:

 

 

I know.  This probably comes as no surprise to most of my regular readers, but for the rest of you, let me tell you, it’s true.  

 

A while back, I wrote a blog on my MySpace profile about the strange ability my family has to make things happen by simply speaking about them.  It was a game I used to play with my father and brother.  Many religions put it like this: “If you take one step toward the Gods, they take ten steps toward you.”  

 

Many of the maniacal meditator types will speak about visualization, and concentrating your energy in a certain direction, and letting the universe pay you in kind.  

 

Now, I’m not what you’d call spiritual.  I’m not what you’d call pious, either.  Hell, I’m not even what you would call scrupulous.  

 

But I’ve always had the ability to make things happen just by talking about them.  And it’s never really in a way that you’d want, so you couldn’t call it serendipity.  I’m not saying I could write a blog about winning the California State Lottery. and I would win.  I just mean I will make a random reference on occasion that quickly materializes in some way, in my life.  

 

Case in point:  I was exchanging text messages with my friend “Bedhed” yesterday, part of which you can read below.  Three years ago, I gave her an iPod for Christmas, or something. Of course, I preloaded it with some decent music, so she could use it right out of the box, wholly expecting her to sync it with her computer, erasing all of the content.  She never did.  She’s spent the last three years suffering through the ridiculous amalgamation of songs I put on the iPod for her to hear – the “Bedhed Mix” :

 

   

Okay, the music I put on the iPod might be a little misogynistic and – dare I say – emo?  That’s not the point I was trying to make.  

 

Exactly two hours after this text message exchange, I received a MySpace message and friend request from… 

 

wait for it…

 

my PROM DATE!  It’s important to mention here, that I haven’t spoken – or communicated in any other way – with my prom date in (at least) fifteen years.  

 

 

 

 

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying I can control people’s minds from three thousand miles away.  

 

What I AM saying is, I am in control of all aspects of the universe and it’s goings-on at all times.  

 

I have other powers, too.  For example, I have the ability to sleep for as many as sixteen hours at a time.  Will I use this power for good or evil?  I haven’t yet decided.  

 

Now, I’m sure, dear reader of my blog, you have questions.  Questions like, “Are those screenshots from your iPhone?”  The answer is: Yes.  By simultaneously pressing the “Sleep/Wake” button on top and the “Home” button on the front, I can use my R2 unit (i.e.: my iPhone) to take a screenshot.  This comes in handy when you’d like to post private text message conversations and MySpace messages on the internet (the legality of which, by the way, we can discuss in a future blog.  A blog tentatively titled “Man sued for posting private text message conversation on the internet”).  

 

You may also want to ask: “Do you really control everything, everywhere, all of the time?”  The answer to that particular question is again: Yes.  

 

Other questions however, can be asked by clicking the “Comments” link below.  A response is almost guaranteed.  That is, of course, if I’m not too busy robbing a bank – or making peace in the Middle East – by sleeping through another eight-hour shift.  

 

Yeah.  We superheroes/supervillains have a lot to do.  

 

 

 

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Tags: bank-robbing, prom, serendipity, spirituality, Superhero